I wish I knew how you saw me,
I wish I knew what you think when you see me.
I wish I knew how you felt.
current doubts.
is it wrong for me to just want to lose hope already?
is it wrong if i walk away from everything without even trying?
is everything i am trying to accomplish a waste of time and energy?
is it stupid for me to want you so badly in my life, that i would do anything?
is it wrong for me to want all of this so i can finally be happy?
is it wrong for me to want to be happy?
am i wrong about being wrong?
dear bridget
bridgie, I miss you so badly. It still hurts beyond belief. And tonight I can’t stop thinking of you. I want you to be here making me feel better. I just want you to be here laying with me in bed. Fuck, I can’t explain how much I want you back. These past few days I’ve just been trying to keep my mind occupied and not get upset, but now I’ve finally broken down…again. I don’t like this feeling. It’s already been a month. A whole month since I last held you, and I’m not okay with this. I miss you so badly. I can’t deal with this. And a part of me still expects you to be here, or to come home any day…but you aren’t going to. Please, I just need to know that you are okay. Anything. I miss you so much bridge, I’m sorry. Nothing will erase this feeling that I’m constantly left with. Everyone says it just takes time but I know that no amount of time will ever make me stop missing you and make me not want you here. I would do anything to have you back. Anything in the world. And I’m sorry I can’t actually do anything to bring you back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I miss you boo, and it really hurts like hell.
the truth hurts & i’m scared to hear it…
so, everyone knows that I like him…and my one friend just found out last night and he was like “oh, I’ll talk to him about it and find out.” and then my other friend was like “well, wouldn’t you want to know instead of getting your hopes up?” and see that’s the thing, I’m scared to find out. Mostly because I’m almost 100% sure that he doesn’t and will never like me. and I’d rather not know that. But then there’s the chance that maybe for once this could work out in my favor. and he does like me and it all turns out great. But I know that will never happen.
sup, bucketlist.
so I have decided to legitimately make a bucketlist (which I will continue adding things to), something to inspire me…something to make me accomplish my wildest dreams/goals and even my most simple ones. so here goes nothing.
1. go backpacking through Europe. (Dublin, Rome, London, Vienna, Endinberg, Barcelona, Berlin, St.Petersberg, Greece, and a bundle of other cities between those).
2. Fall in love, multiple times.
3. Actually go somewhere exciting for spring break.
4. Learn salsa dancing.
5. Go camping. (considering I have never gone).
6. Be able to speak fluent Spanish.
7. Travel the world. (Australia, Brazil, Europe, Africa, United States).
8. Go to a drive in movie theatre.
9. Pet a tiger.
10. Do something that will change someone’s life, in a good way.
11. Go on an epic road trip, without a map and just see where we end up.
12. Buy my own car.
13 . Go to a medium.
14. Get a kitty.
15. Own my own place and make it look like everything I have ever imagined.
niiiightmares eveerywhere
that was by far my most terrifying nightmare yet. I don’t even know how to explain it, but it was like sleep paralysis - I couldn’t open my eyes or move. And for some reason I started to feel incredibly weird and I went to go turn on my lamp but the switch wouldn’t work so I was like okay, whatever I’ll just go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I started getting dragged out of my bed, and the only reason this scared me so much is because it felt real. like really real. My heart was pounding when I woke up, hjfhcud that was horrifying. There was more to it, but describing dreams is always fairly difficult. welp, I just thought I would share that. good-night.
